Post by HorsegirlDylan on Nov 2, 2008 1:22:07 GMT -7
A NEW SYSTEM
Europa sat there. Mum-Jovi-was off to some class gathering. Now she and her sister Io were at Granma Planetta's place, where all the old people of the town-Shii-were gathered for tea. Granma Planetta, Shirli Viros, Lindie Luna, Quai Zavira and Dingie-Annie Fauchet all in the same room. Europa, Io and their aunts Erii and Plutoi were eavesdropping under the table. That may not sound very sensible of adults, but Erii was fifteen, Europa fourteen, Io thirteen and Plutoi twelve. And they were eavesdropping.
"Shirli, do you remember what happened to poor Saturi Sola at the hula-hoop twirling championships? Such a shame too, she was only nineteen..." asked Dingie-Annie. They were talking about Aunt Saturi. She'd died from spinning hula-hoops.
"Yes, Dingie-Annie, I truly remember it, she just collapsed onstage-" Granma Planetta coughed. Obviously she didn't want to talk about it.
"So, Lindie, what's that that you might've picked up in the harbour?" asked Quai, who had some sense of manners, or at least more than Dingie-Annie. "It might be quite interesting."
"I heard that Zaddie de Crak's kid, Neel de Crak, tossed his cousin's neighbour's dentist's cat's feedbowlcleaner's friend's husband's great-grandmother's daughter's son's daughter's teacher's dog in the well. It nearly drowned. Now it's scared of water. The de Craks had to pay Deel Zigoskii ten thousand yng." Lindie must've spent ages digging that up.
"Kratish du Dent's cat has someone to clean its feed bowl?", wondered Granma Planetta. Lindie was not pleased.
It continued like that for an hour, until Quai noticed them and shooed them into the living room. There they drew caricatures of each other till Jovi came and picked Io and Europa up. When Europa passed in front of the mirror, she noted her brown hair had lightened to near-white with a gray tint, but her eyes were still the same sparkling blue. Io was a redhead. Their mum Jovi had grey eyes and red-black hair.
School in Shii was boring. Maths, Physics, Literature, Chemistry, Biology, Geography, Phys Ed, Music and Paleontology. Paleontology was voluntary from Grade 7 up. That meant that you started it on your first year in Shii Upper Main School. All the Solas had chosen it, even though it had some of the more extraordinary teachers of SUMS.
Grade 8's paleontology lesson was beginning. this time it was Professor Trididad who was giving it. Professor Stylus Typo Trididad was very tall, nearly six feet/two meters, but had a tendency to stoop. Overall, he gave the appearance of a mini T.rex trying to convince its prey that it was a harmless herbivore. But really he was a trickle deaf, used small glasses, and had a kind personality: not at all like most of his favourite subject, dinosaurs.
"And now, Grade 9, you will learn about the Maiasaura, good mother lizard.”
"You are ugly, mean, imbecilic and prehistoric, sir.” Dann Laywinski the joker, in his most polite tone.
"No, no, Dann, Maiasaura ate plants”, Dr Prof S.T. Trididad replied in a charming tone.
The class erupted with laughter.
"Now we will also mention the six-foot velociraptors which, if I heard right, my colleague Dr Sadie Exos likes.” The class tried not to remember Dr Exos making her raptor impression and pretending to devour an air brachiosaur, which, despite Dr Exos' beliefs, didn't live in the Cretacious.
"Now, notes about raptors, please”, Dr Trididad said. He moved on to write things on the board. Velociraptor (speedy thief)-six feet long-three feet high-carnivores-Dr Sadie Exos' favourites. His students wrote, Locuadaptors (bleedy cinch)-six feet-three toes-ate McDonalds hamburgers-Dr Sadie Exos married one and Dr Exos should go to a mental hospital, she thinks she's a velociwhatsit and Dr Dino is boring. Europa was the only one who paid attention, but Howard Aqtin kept asking her how to spell 'and' or 'or' or 'it' or 'six', so she was a bit behind by the time Dr Trididad ended the lesson. Then it was straight to Dr Sadie Exos' classroom.
"Hiya guys. How's it doing? Now, on this lesson we are going to take a break from Velociraptors”, she said. Everyone was gobsmacked. Dr Exos the dino behaviourologist had never, ever before taken a break from her dear 'raptors.
"This term we're going to find out about the rest of the raptor family: Deinonychys, Variraptor, Utahraptor, and Megaraptor. Megaraptor stand for 'big thief'. Wonder did it have a gigantic criminal record, then. Heh, heh. Utahraptor stands for...Anybody? Cique? What does Utahraptor stand for?”
Cique d'Arc-de-ciel groaned. She answered: "Utahraptor stands for Utah thief. But I don-” She was cut short by Dr Exos. "Wonder did it try to steal Utah then, heh, heh.” Then she noticed the lights weren't on. "Europa, lights, camera, action! Whoooo!” and twirled around the room. Europa hurried to the light switch hoping Dr Exos wouldn't pretend to be a dinosaur anytime soon.
"Now I'll show you how Veloci- sorry, Deinonychys, hunted. Catherine, stand there please.” Catherine Wheeler groaned, but complied to the orders, closed her eyes, and hoped for the best.
"Veloci- sorry, Deinonychys, hunted by leaping onto its pray and devouring it alive. Like this-WAAA!” Dr Exos miscalculared the leap and was hanging from the lamp.
Until the cord broke.
"EEEEEEEK!” and Dr Exos came crashing down to Mica Mice's desk. She growled threatenigly, still playing dino. Grade 9 took that as an excuse to grab their stuff and bail.
Grade 9's next lesson was Lit. It was the usual boring droning of Dr Tycho, affectionately nicknamed 'Dr Psycho'. Then they hurried to the micropaleontology classroom of Dr Stemma Quoth. After Dann threw an eraser at her, she screeched at them. In quotation mode. And the quotes were from a 21st century pop song called 'Vinegar'. Enough to send the people of 2992 screaming.
"Idiots! Imbeciles! You don't know what it's like to be with you! Don't you know, you're vinegar in my mind! And you're the disorder when I need sleep! Just like a discord in a symphony! You can't bring me down now, it's too late!”
Maybe being Dr Tycho the psycho's girlfriend was rubbing off to Dr Quoth, aka Dr Quoter-to-death. Rumors went that she'd quoted someone to death.
Dr Dina Sera was next. She was probably SUMS' most sensible teacher, which wasn't saying much. Her curly Spanish black hair combined with her cold, Scandinavian blue eyes and huge eyelashes gave her a mysterious look. She was friendly and despite her favorite dinos being raptors-like Dr Exos-she was sensible.
"Now, class, since you were so nice last lesson, we're going to watch Jurassic Park. Please make a careful list of all dino species used in it, we're going to make presentations on them.”
After school Europa walked home with Io. There she told Io and her mother Jovi all about Dr Trididad, Dr Exos ("She's so exotic she must be an alien”, Jovi said), Dr Psycho, Dr Quoth and Dr Sera ("The only teacher who isn't psychotic, a nervous breakdown, droning or a combination of them”, Io groaned).
*~*~*
Erii took the maglev train to school with Plutoi. Next year Erii'd be in Platek region Maths, Intellect & Sciences Continuum. MISC. SUM-Shii Under Main-then SUMS, then MISC. And then what? IDIOT? IQ? SCI-FI?
Tuesday was Erii's Paleontology day. Dr Exos, Dr Quoth, then Dr Diot the Biology teacher, Dr Trididad, and Dr Sera.
Dr Exos hadn't drunk her coffe yet, so she was half asleep, which was good. Otherwise she might've done the same thing as she did on the last lesson: announced to the whole class that if they didn't want to get a F on their report, they better split into two teams. Then the rest of the lesson was spent pretend-devouring the members of the opposite team.
Dr Quoth started singing very badly and very loudly in the middle of class.
"'Yo te quiero
Aqui conmigo
No te vayas
Estoy contigo
No estragues el momento
Muestrame ese tu movimiento
A mi me gusta tu cuerpo
Dale dale dale moreno
Es solo divertimiento
Muestrame ese tu movimiento
A mi me gusta tu cuerpo
No estragues el momento'”
By that time, half the class was playing dead, just incase she'd stop.
Dr Ian Diot, or Dr I. Diot, or Dr Diet was lecturing about Diets for Idiots. He was a robot-like fifty-year-old man with brown-gray hair with a metallic sheen and tiny, unmoving eyes. And he could bore you like no other man could.
Except, well, all the other staff of SUMS, minus Dr Sera. And minus Dr Sera, the most interesting person in SUMS was the guy who emptied the trash cans. He had fairly interesting stories about the Joneses' trash can, and the time when Alpha Canary discarded a quarter stick of dynamite in his trash.
Dr Trididad's lesson went a bit haywire.
"Grade 10, we're doing some more advanced stuff now. I'll be busy the next month, so prepare your report card now. Aim for a B minus, 'cos that's what you're gonna get.”
So Grade 10 started their report card. They wrote:
'Binary du Clips has performed excellently, but I've got the suspicion she's a pickpocket.' and 'Typo Trididad got us to write our own report cards!' and 'Gilbert-Dilbert Grazinski is otherwise an A+, but I fear his idol is Hitler' and 'The world's being invaded by Martian Nazis!' Erii's went: 'Erii Sola has performed pretty well, and paid attention in the lessons.'
Dr Sera made them cross-stitch a T.rex. Binary stabbed herself with the needle since she didn't like T.rexes. Then the wall spoke.
"'Tenchon classus! Teechur's meating 't 4 P. M. H've a nice day¡"
It was the head, Dr Rigguistrom, or Dr Ridiculous, in his accent/slang that-could-have-passed-as-cool-trirty-years-ago-but-is-now-ridiculous.
Erii met Plutoi, Io and Europa after Dr Sera's lesson. Europa the daredevil had hatched a plan. Already.
"Lets go spy in the teacher's meeting!”, she said in a hushed voice, "Now we can know what's going on them not firing Dr Exos!”
They waited the hour in the local forest, which was better called a clump of trees. At 4 PM they went to the best spying place: under the table. The tablecloth nicely reached the ground at all four sides. Pretty soon the teachers came. About ten minutes later:
"Tenchon teechurs! Aim introudosin diss nieuve addichon do dhe payeaeolontgy zaff: Dr C. Ridzdjer”, the head said.
"Dr C. Ridzdjer, Dr C. Richter or Dr C. Rizjer? I just hate it when Ridiculous slurrs names!”, Dr Sera muttered.
"Achoo!”. Everyone looked at the table. Plutoi had sneezed.
"I'll handle this”, Io whispered. Then, more loudly, "...The weather forecast for today is snow and ten degrees. For the brave guys and gals on Sardrk, it'll be mostly dry, except for where it rains. Gees over.”, and imitating the famous radio newsreader Dan Dawlew, "Thanks Gees. Now, Thalya, is it really true that Sardrk's moon-Kofoj-has gained independance from not only us here on Nrraw, but Sardrk too?”, imitating Thalya DiCler, "Yes, it's true. And now for the newest song, thirty years of silence:” She hummed a note, and then continued being silent.
"Why the heck would anyone wanna listen to thirty years of silence!?!?! Ri-di-cu-lous!”
After that, they gathered the facts they'd found:
-Dr C. Ridzdjer coming to teach paleontology
-So are Dr K. Ayapeyski, Dr I. Newmond and Dr A. Aschzain
-Dr Exos not fired 'cause the head's head is slurred so much he can't make rational decisions
-All the guy teachers, espec Dr Trididad, are madly in love with Dr Sera. Her word is the law
-Dr Psycho adores Dr Quoth
*~*~*
Io'd be the first on Dr Ayapeyski's lesson. She was a tanned woman of about fifty with her black hair plaid back.
"I am Kadma Ayapeyski. I'll teach you on prehistoric geography. In the triassic era, all the present continents were joined into one supercontinent, Pangaea...”
*~*~*
Plutoi had Dr Ridzdjer's lesson the next hour. He was short and slim. Small. Very small. He had a shrew-like appearance. His topic was 'the rise of mammals'. He managed to establish himself as one of the more boring teachers in SUMS.
*~*~*
Erii had Dr Newmond after lunch. She stepped in, tall, proud, and brunette. "Hello, class. I'm Ira Newton, Dr Newton for you, class.” She then ran trough the registry.
"...Jannie Saek...Erii Sola...Xavier Tac...”
"I and Albert are both teaching ancient astrophysics. I regret if you thought we'd be going to dig for fossils in the desert, but we are going to visit an observatory. Now, what have your teachers been like?” Dr Newton asked. Erii's hand went up. "Yes, miss Sola?”
"Dr Trididad's a bit deaf and boring, Dr Quoth...well, she can quote anyone to death any time, Dr Sera's good, and Dr Exos...she thinks she's a velociraptor.”
"Hmm...class, there's a change: I'll be teaching you micropaleontology, so bring Dr Stemma Quoth's lesson books on to my lessons, okay? I want you to get to MISC with an A+.”
*~*~*
Europa had Dr A. Aschzain on the last lesson. In came a scruffy beggar with no socks or shoes. "Oh... There you are class... The-”
"Our new teacher is a beggar who can't afford socks! I quit!”
"Peregrine Lettuc, I am not a beggar. And my sock-lessness is because I don't like socks. DOWN WITH SOCKS!”, he shouted, and added, "Oh, and our paleoastrophysics lessons are going to be held at the local cafe. Grab your coats please, Grade 9.”
After walking to the local cafe behind a guy whose hair looked like something from an aftermath of an explosion and who was barefoot, Dann Laywinski finally dared ask him who he was.
"Me? My name's Albert Einstein.”
"The Albert Einstein?”
"The Albert Einstein”
"Albert Einstein died in the 1950s. That was over a millenia ago!”
"No I didn't.”
After school ended Europa called Erii.
"Erii. That Dr Aschzain guy's actually the Albert Einstein. Our lesson was in Cafe Coffe, we had an argument with a dead guy who was alive about his being alive or not! Weird! Weird! Weird, weird, WEIRD!”
"Well, Dr Newmond's actually Dr Ira Newton, and she's just as bad tempered as the real Newton was.”
*~*~* Two years later
"Paleontology...long....Chemistry...long...Physics...long...English...short...Maths... long...Biology...long...History...NONE!...”
Plutoi sighed. Erii was seventeen and choosing her SCI-FI – Sciences Central Institute-Finite I-type languages – subjects.
"No French...no German...long Klingon...”
Plutoi went back to Dr Newton's micropaleontology homework. Dr Einstein didn't give any homework from his cafe trips. Dr Sera's homework was too much fun to be called 'homework'.
*~*~*
Dr Dina Sera was marking Grade 9's test papers. The only person who managed to scrape an A- was Plutoi Sola, the rest got B-s or worse. Dr Tididad stepped into the room.
"Hi, Typo”
"Hi Dina. How did the tests go?”
"The only one who opened the book was Plutoi Sola.”
"I gathered their notebooks. Wanna read?”
"Sure.”
"Read Saddy Danlan's from the Maiasaura lesson: 'Our teechur's unfeer, Maiasaura ain't no French verb'. Also from the same lesson: 'Raza blah', 'Dr Exos needs medication', 'That girl is SO cute!' and 'Maiasaura had six-handed eggs and the babies didn't have feet'.”
"Hey, the last one listened.”
"But the champs are Grade 9 from two years ago. Who could forget Dann Laywinski's 'Locuadaptors (bleedy cinch)-six feet-three toes-ate McDonalds hamburgers-Dr Sadie Exos married one' and Mica Mice's 'Dr Exos should go to a mental hospital, she thinks she's a velociwhatsit'-which is true- and Peregrine Lettuc's simple 'Dr Dino is boring'.”
Dr Sera frowned. "You're not boring”, she said, but Dr Trididad cept on going:
"And remember the time I made that year's Grade 10 write their own reports? It was positively hilarious...”
And so it continued till the lessons started.
~tbc~
Europa sat there. Mum-Jovi-was off to some class gathering. Now she and her sister Io were at Granma Planetta's place, where all the old people of the town-Shii-were gathered for tea. Granma Planetta, Shirli Viros, Lindie Luna, Quai Zavira and Dingie-Annie Fauchet all in the same room. Europa, Io and their aunts Erii and Plutoi were eavesdropping under the table. That may not sound very sensible of adults, but Erii was fifteen, Europa fourteen, Io thirteen and Plutoi twelve. And they were eavesdropping.
"Shirli, do you remember what happened to poor Saturi Sola at the hula-hoop twirling championships? Such a shame too, she was only nineteen..." asked Dingie-Annie. They were talking about Aunt Saturi. She'd died from spinning hula-hoops.
"Yes, Dingie-Annie, I truly remember it, she just collapsed onstage-" Granma Planetta coughed. Obviously she didn't want to talk about it.
"So, Lindie, what's that that you might've picked up in the harbour?" asked Quai, who had some sense of manners, or at least more than Dingie-Annie. "It might be quite interesting."
"I heard that Zaddie de Crak's kid, Neel de Crak, tossed his cousin's neighbour's dentist's cat's feedbowlcleaner's friend's husband's great-grandmother's daughter's son's daughter's teacher's dog in the well. It nearly drowned. Now it's scared of water. The de Craks had to pay Deel Zigoskii ten thousand yng." Lindie must've spent ages digging that up.
"Kratish du Dent's cat has someone to clean its feed bowl?", wondered Granma Planetta. Lindie was not pleased.
It continued like that for an hour, until Quai noticed them and shooed them into the living room. There they drew caricatures of each other till Jovi came and picked Io and Europa up. When Europa passed in front of the mirror, she noted her brown hair had lightened to near-white with a gray tint, but her eyes were still the same sparkling blue. Io was a redhead. Their mum Jovi had grey eyes and red-black hair.
School in Shii was boring. Maths, Physics, Literature, Chemistry, Biology, Geography, Phys Ed, Music and Paleontology. Paleontology was voluntary from Grade 7 up. That meant that you started it on your first year in Shii Upper Main School. All the Solas had chosen it, even though it had some of the more extraordinary teachers of SUMS.
Grade 8's paleontology lesson was beginning. this time it was Professor Trididad who was giving it. Professor Stylus Typo Trididad was very tall, nearly six feet/two meters, but had a tendency to stoop. Overall, he gave the appearance of a mini T.rex trying to convince its prey that it was a harmless herbivore. But really he was a trickle deaf, used small glasses, and had a kind personality: not at all like most of his favourite subject, dinosaurs.
"And now, Grade 9, you will learn about the Maiasaura, good mother lizard.”
"You are ugly, mean, imbecilic and prehistoric, sir.” Dann Laywinski the joker, in his most polite tone.
"No, no, Dann, Maiasaura ate plants”, Dr Prof S.T. Trididad replied in a charming tone.
The class erupted with laughter.
"Now we will also mention the six-foot velociraptors which, if I heard right, my colleague Dr Sadie Exos likes.” The class tried not to remember Dr Exos making her raptor impression and pretending to devour an air brachiosaur, which, despite Dr Exos' beliefs, didn't live in the Cretacious.
"Now, notes about raptors, please”, Dr Trididad said. He moved on to write things on the board. Velociraptor (speedy thief)-six feet long-three feet high-carnivores-Dr Sadie Exos' favourites. His students wrote, Locuadaptors (bleedy cinch)-six feet-three toes-ate McDonalds hamburgers-Dr Sadie Exos married one and Dr Exos should go to a mental hospital, she thinks she's a velociwhatsit and Dr Dino is boring. Europa was the only one who paid attention, but Howard Aqtin kept asking her how to spell 'and' or 'or' or 'it' or 'six', so she was a bit behind by the time Dr Trididad ended the lesson. Then it was straight to Dr Sadie Exos' classroom.
"Hiya guys. How's it doing? Now, on this lesson we are going to take a break from Velociraptors”, she said. Everyone was gobsmacked. Dr Exos the dino behaviourologist had never, ever before taken a break from her dear 'raptors.
"This term we're going to find out about the rest of the raptor family: Deinonychys, Variraptor, Utahraptor, and Megaraptor. Megaraptor stand for 'big thief'. Wonder did it have a gigantic criminal record, then. Heh, heh. Utahraptor stands for...Anybody? Cique? What does Utahraptor stand for?”
Cique d'Arc-de-ciel groaned. She answered: "Utahraptor stands for Utah thief. But I don-” She was cut short by Dr Exos. "Wonder did it try to steal Utah then, heh, heh.” Then she noticed the lights weren't on. "Europa, lights, camera, action! Whoooo!” and twirled around the room. Europa hurried to the light switch hoping Dr Exos wouldn't pretend to be a dinosaur anytime soon.
"Now I'll show you how Veloci- sorry, Deinonychys, hunted. Catherine, stand there please.” Catherine Wheeler groaned, but complied to the orders, closed her eyes, and hoped for the best.
"Veloci- sorry, Deinonychys, hunted by leaping onto its pray and devouring it alive. Like this-WAAA!” Dr Exos miscalculared the leap and was hanging from the lamp.
Until the cord broke.
"EEEEEEEK!” and Dr Exos came crashing down to Mica Mice's desk. She growled threatenigly, still playing dino. Grade 9 took that as an excuse to grab their stuff and bail.
Grade 9's next lesson was Lit. It was the usual boring droning of Dr Tycho, affectionately nicknamed 'Dr Psycho'. Then they hurried to the micropaleontology classroom of Dr Stemma Quoth. After Dann threw an eraser at her, she screeched at them. In quotation mode. And the quotes were from a 21st century pop song called 'Vinegar'. Enough to send the people of 2992 screaming.
"Idiots! Imbeciles! You don't know what it's like to be with you! Don't you know, you're vinegar in my mind! And you're the disorder when I need sleep! Just like a discord in a symphony! You can't bring me down now, it's too late!”
Maybe being Dr Tycho the psycho's girlfriend was rubbing off to Dr Quoth, aka Dr Quoter-to-death. Rumors went that she'd quoted someone to death.
Dr Dina Sera was next. She was probably SUMS' most sensible teacher, which wasn't saying much. Her curly Spanish black hair combined with her cold, Scandinavian blue eyes and huge eyelashes gave her a mysterious look. She was friendly and despite her favorite dinos being raptors-like Dr Exos-she was sensible.
"Now, class, since you were so nice last lesson, we're going to watch Jurassic Park. Please make a careful list of all dino species used in it, we're going to make presentations on them.”
After school Europa walked home with Io. There she told Io and her mother Jovi all about Dr Trididad, Dr Exos ("She's so exotic she must be an alien”, Jovi said), Dr Psycho, Dr Quoth and Dr Sera ("The only teacher who isn't psychotic, a nervous breakdown, droning or a combination of them”, Io groaned).
*~*~*
Erii took the maglev train to school with Plutoi. Next year Erii'd be in Platek region Maths, Intellect & Sciences Continuum. MISC. SUM-Shii Under Main-then SUMS, then MISC. And then what? IDIOT? IQ? SCI-FI?
Tuesday was Erii's Paleontology day. Dr Exos, Dr Quoth, then Dr Diot the Biology teacher, Dr Trididad, and Dr Sera.
Dr Exos hadn't drunk her coffe yet, so she was half asleep, which was good. Otherwise she might've done the same thing as she did on the last lesson: announced to the whole class that if they didn't want to get a F on their report, they better split into two teams. Then the rest of the lesson was spent pretend-devouring the members of the opposite team.
Dr Quoth started singing very badly and very loudly in the middle of class.
"'Yo te quiero
Aqui conmigo
No te vayas
Estoy contigo
No estragues el momento
Muestrame ese tu movimiento
A mi me gusta tu cuerpo
Dale dale dale moreno
Es solo divertimiento
Muestrame ese tu movimiento
A mi me gusta tu cuerpo
No estragues el momento'”
By that time, half the class was playing dead, just incase she'd stop.
Dr Ian Diot, or Dr I. Diot, or Dr Diet was lecturing about Diets for Idiots. He was a robot-like fifty-year-old man with brown-gray hair with a metallic sheen and tiny, unmoving eyes. And he could bore you like no other man could.
Except, well, all the other staff of SUMS, minus Dr Sera. And minus Dr Sera, the most interesting person in SUMS was the guy who emptied the trash cans. He had fairly interesting stories about the Joneses' trash can, and the time when Alpha Canary discarded a quarter stick of dynamite in his trash.
Dr Trididad's lesson went a bit haywire.
"Grade 10, we're doing some more advanced stuff now. I'll be busy the next month, so prepare your report card now. Aim for a B minus, 'cos that's what you're gonna get.”
So Grade 10 started their report card. They wrote:
'Binary du Clips has performed excellently, but I've got the suspicion she's a pickpocket.' and 'Typo Trididad got us to write our own report cards!' and 'Gilbert-Dilbert Grazinski is otherwise an A+, but I fear his idol is Hitler' and 'The world's being invaded by Martian Nazis!' Erii's went: 'Erii Sola has performed pretty well, and paid attention in the lessons.'
Dr Sera made them cross-stitch a T.rex. Binary stabbed herself with the needle since she didn't like T.rexes. Then the wall spoke.
"'Tenchon classus! Teechur's meating 't 4 P. M. H've a nice day¡"
It was the head, Dr Rigguistrom, or Dr Ridiculous, in his accent/slang that-could-have-passed-as-cool-trirty-years-ago-but-is-now-ridiculous.
Erii met Plutoi, Io and Europa after Dr Sera's lesson. Europa the daredevil had hatched a plan. Already.
"Lets go spy in the teacher's meeting!”, she said in a hushed voice, "Now we can know what's going on them not firing Dr Exos!”
They waited the hour in the local forest, which was better called a clump of trees. At 4 PM they went to the best spying place: under the table. The tablecloth nicely reached the ground at all four sides. Pretty soon the teachers came. About ten minutes later:
"Tenchon teechurs! Aim introudosin diss nieuve addichon do dhe payeaeolontgy zaff: Dr C. Ridzdjer”, the head said.
"Dr C. Ridzdjer, Dr C. Richter or Dr C. Rizjer? I just hate it when Ridiculous slurrs names!”, Dr Sera muttered.
"Achoo!”. Everyone looked at the table. Plutoi had sneezed.
"I'll handle this”, Io whispered. Then, more loudly, "...The weather forecast for today is snow and ten degrees. For the brave guys and gals on Sardrk, it'll be mostly dry, except for where it rains. Gees over.”, and imitating the famous radio newsreader Dan Dawlew, "Thanks Gees. Now, Thalya, is it really true that Sardrk's moon-Kofoj-has gained independance from not only us here on Nrraw, but Sardrk too?”, imitating Thalya DiCler, "Yes, it's true. And now for the newest song, thirty years of silence:” She hummed a note, and then continued being silent.
"Why the heck would anyone wanna listen to thirty years of silence!?!?! Ri-di-cu-lous!”
After that, they gathered the facts they'd found:
-Dr C. Ridzdjer coming to teach paleontology
-So are Dr K. Ayapeyski, Dr I. Newmond and Dr A. Aschzain
-Dr Exos not fired 'cause the head's head is slurred so much he can't make rational decisions
-All the guy teachers, espec Dr Trididad, are madly in love with Dr Sera. Her word is the law
-Dr Psycho adores Dr Quoth
*~*~*
Io'd be the first on Dr Ayapeyski's lesson. She was a tanned woman of about fifty with her black hair plaid back.
"I am Kadma Ayapeyski. I'll teach you on prehistoric geography. In the triassic era, all the present continents were joined into one supercontinent, Pangaea...”
*~*~*
Plutoi had Dr Ridzdjer's lesson the next hour. He was short and slim. Small. Very small. He had a shrew-like appearance. His topic was 'the rise of mammals'. He managed to establish himself as one of the more boring teachers in SUMS.
*~*~*
Erii had Dr Newmond after lunch. She stepped in, tall, proud, and brunette. "Hello, class. I'm Ira Newton, Dr Newton for you, class.” She then ran trough the registry.
"...Jannie Saek...Erii Sola...Xavier Tac...”
"I and Albert are both teaching ancient astrophysics. I regret if you thought we'd be going to dig for fossils in the desert, but we are going to visit an observatory. Now, what have your teachers been like?” Dr Newton asked. Erii's hand went up. "Yes, miss Sola?”
"Dr Trididad's a bit deaf and boring, Dr Quoth...well, she can quote anyone to death any time, Dr Sera's good, and Dr Exos...she thinks she's a velociraptor.”
"Hmm...class, there's a change: I'll be teaching you micropaleontology, so bring Dr Stemma Quoth's lesson books on to my lessons, okay? I want you to get to MISC with an A+.”
*~*~*
Europa had Dr A. Aschzain on the last lesson. In came a scruffy beggar with no socks or shoes. "Oh... There you are class... The-”
"Our new teacher is a beggar who can't afford socks! I quit!”
"Peregrine Lettuc, I am not a beggar. And my sock-lessness is because I don't like socks. DOWN WITH SOCKS!”, he shouted, and added, "Oh, and our paleoastrophysics lessons are going to be held at the local cafe. Grab your coats please, Grade 9.”
After walking to the local cafe behind a guy whose hair looked like something from an aftermath of an explosion and who was barefoot, Dann Laywinski finally dared ask him who he was.
"Me? My name's Albert Einstein.”
"The Albert Einstein?”
"The Albert Einstein”
"Albert Einstein died in the 1950s. That was over a millenia ago!”
"No I didn't.”
After school ended Europa called Erii.
"Erii. That Dr Aschzain guy's actually the Albert Einstein. Our lesson was in Cafe Coffe, we had an argument with a dead guy who was alive about his being alive or not! Weird! Weird! Weird, weird, WEIRD!”
"Well, Dr Newmond's actually Dr Ira Newton, and she's just as bad tempered as the real Newton was.”
*~*~* Two years later
"Paleontology...long....Chemistry...long...Physics...long...English...short...Maths... long...Biology...long...History...NONE!...”
Plutoi sighed. Erii was seventeen and choosing her SCI-FI – Sciences Central Institute-Finite I-type languages – subjects.
"No French...no German...long Klingon...”
Plutoi went back to Dr Newton's micropaleontology homework. Dr Einstein didn't give any homework from his cafe trips. Dr Sera's homework was too much fun to be called 'homework'.
*~*~*
Dr Dina Sera was marking Grade 9's test papers. The only person who managed to scrape an A- was Plutoi Sola, the rest got B-s or worse. Dr Tididad stepped into the room.
"Hi, Typo”
"Hi Dina. How did the tests go?”
"The only one who opened the book was Plutoi Sola.”
"I gathered their notebooks. Wanna read?”
"Sure.”
"Read Saddy Danlan's from the Maiasaura lesson: 'Our teechur's unfeer, Maiasaura ain't no French verb'. Also from the same lesson: 'Raza blah', 'Dr Exos needs medication', 'That girl is SO cute!' and 'Maiasaura had six-handed eggs and the babies didn't have feet'.”
"Hey, the last one listened.”
"But the champs are Grade 9 from two years ago. Who could forget Dann Laywinski's 'Locuadaptors (bleedy cinch)-six feet-three toes-ate McDonalds hamburgers-Dr Sadie Exos married one' and Mica Mice's 'Dr Exos should go to a mental hospital, she thinks she's a velociwhatsit'-which is true- and Peregrine Lettuc's simple 'Dr Dino is boring'.”
Dr Sera frowned. "You're not boring”, she said, but Dr Trididad cept on going:
"And remember the time I made that year's Grade 10 write their own reports? It was positively hilarious...”
And so it continued till the lessons started.
~tbc~